Courts of Chaos | comedy + writing blog

In an infinite universe, everything must exist.

A.J. Axline | jester

  • I think I want a robot
    I think we’re all past due
    For robots that will do the things
    That we don’t want to do

    I think I want a robot
    That can use a mop and pail
    Not a half-brained little vacuum
    That looks like a bathroom scale

    I think I want a robot
    That can change and make the bed
    That will make the toilet sparkle
    Just like a bald man’s head

    I think I want a robot
    That can wash and iron shirts
    That can cook up tasty meals
    Complete with fine desserts

    I think I want a robot
    That can’t become self-aware
    That won’t turn into SkyNet
    Or throw me down the stairs

    I think I want a robot
    That can clean and mend and fix
    That can repair a leaky faucet
    And serve sirloin steak at 6:00

    I think I want a robot
    That will follow Asimov’s Laws
    And won’t spend memory searching
    For a “kill the humans” clause

    I think I want a robot
    That can also work outdoors
    That’s just as good at mowing grass
    As it is at waxing floors

    I think I want a robot
    With a lifetime warranty
    And when my lifetime’s over
    It will help to bury me

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  • “We should know pretty soon if he made it or not,” he said. It was almost a question, and he looked up from his disassembled firearm.

    “Pretty soon,” she agreed.

    She went back to doing her weapon maintenance. He took in a deep breath and sighed.

    “You should get some rest,” she said without looking up from the improvised table in front of her. “If he doesn’t make it–“

    “I don’t want to think about that,” he said tersely.

    “If he doesn’t make it,” she repeated without acknowledging the interuption, “we’ll need to abandon this post PDQ.”

    “You don’t think he’ll succeed,” he said. “You’ve already–“

    “What I think doesn’t matter,” she said. “It’s all up to him now. But we should be ready to evacuate if we need to, which is why you should go get some rest.”

    He waited for her to say more, but she continued working in silence until he got up and walked to the crew quarters, his shoulders slumped. His mind was a dull exhausted lump of despair sparring with hope.

    She was right, he thought. We should be ready to flee if we have to.

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  • Mic check, mic check. Test, one two three. Check, check.

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