Hello valued employees (and contractors),

Please be informed that effectively immediately, [name] is no longer with [company].

To facilitate a smooth transition, we ask that you not submit any questions, offer any comments, or look anxiously at coworkers during this transition period.

You can assist this transition by not discussing the terminated employee in any fashion, including any conversation containing nostalgic observations or a forlorn tone. Always remember that our corporate values of TRUST and WISDOM OF LEADERSHIP are not supported by any type of looking back. We as an organization are always looking forward.

Be advised that our IT team has deleted all email and IM communications originating from the terminated employee. At this time, we ask that you take any hard copies of such messages, or any handwritten sticky notes mentioning the terminated employee, and place them in your department’s secure shredding collection box.

As per our corporate offboarding process, please say the following points aloud:

• Let the name of [name] be stricken from every company obelisk and stelae.

• Let the name of [name] be stricken from any standing committees and work-related volunteer activities.

• Let the name of [name] pass into obscurity, until none but Legal and HR shall remember it–until the prescribed record retention period has passed, and the last remnants of [name] are purged from all corporate systems from that moment until the end of time.

Thank you for your understanding and patience during this transition. Our IT team will inform the lucky employee who won the draw and gets to move up to dual monitors.

Onward,